Elhaz's Way

[Elhaz]

Day 4 of daily chakra meditations, some things are changing, evolving, becoming clearer as to what to do and why things are the way they are.
I feel like I'm waking up shifted every day. It isn't the first time I've been doing daily meditations, but definitely something is different now, maybe more mature perception, maybe different position of the assemblage point. There was a terrible attack of anxiety/irritability at the very start, after the meeting on Skype, not sure what that came from, but it's nothing new, so I dealt with it and kept going.. Starting to understand how my various problems link together better. It will still be a lot of work from here to get things functioning well, probably, but it all seems to have a kind of center, it's a cluster of related issues, there is a lot of good outside of that, so maybe I shouldn't say that.

I am watching, hunting down my tendency to swap agreements and move like a rabbit mentally, it's taking time but becoming more clear. Some things all fit together easily and are simply part of me and my worldview, other things require tuning, and the efficacy and results of them build as my fixation becomes stronger. I was not fully aware of that process before, probably it is my young age.

Noticing that I have significant problems consistently doing things, which relates to fear, indecision, but also some decisions I have made that haven't been ideal- valuing broad information over focused activity to obtain a deeper worldview. Also there is an instability of state that does not so much relate to swapping agreements, though partially, that makes building positive habits more difficult, I haven't gotten a hold on emotional causes for physical pain and tension, basically I am not "riding my rhythms" very well. Again, maybe age, but it is one of the things that has made my journey less harmonious.

A lot of work to be done with my relationship to my father is coming up doing this Chakra work. I've had to use some additional tools that I have to facilitate mutual understanding, but that's going well enough.

Understanding I don't have a typical human mind, and it isn't that I have autism or some kind of disease has been helpful. I had passed the disease idea a long time ago, but still, it's good to put a name to something. It's one of those things that has not been so easy to deal with, but I wouldn't trade it off for something else, it provides me with my Tao. Sometimes I have looked at people who have a practice that is replete with all the trimmings, looks to be so harmonious, felt inadequate, and not realized, these people are not actually doing anything other than another image building activity. Hence the non-struggle.

[Философ]

Elhaz,
You don't write anything about your experience with Monroe's materials and reading Monroe's books.
There is a feeling that you like to trample on one place and pour your emotions having the same conversation ...

[Elhaz]

That must come off really poorly then, I apologize.. there isn't anything I like about having difficulty not communicating and acting in a distorted way..

Right now the chakra meditations are dredging up what causes me to be in a lot of physical pain, that provoke anxiety and tensions that make it difficult to relax. It seems relevant to the process of improving meditations or having OOBEs. I have read the first book provided by Monroe..

I have had some success with lucid dreams lately, probably more than I have ever had before, but this isn't astral projection, it's more fuzzy, I've been practicing to do things like jumping, to hop up on a plank and actually land on it, or to grab for a streetlight. Or to change locations. This one ended when I tried to leap forward, my environment disassembled, corkscrewed counterclockwise along with my dreaming body and then I was awake again.

Other weird states, too, like being in a different bed, different house, intending to keep my mind awake but let me body go to sleep, but not realizing I am already dreaming, and ending up "sub"lucid dreaming, where I am aware I am dreaming but without realizing that the preceding state was not being awake. If that makes sense. The vibrational state has not been reached.

I get to these states by using my body's natural falling asleep, but staying aware and awake mentally, and letting thoughts fall away so I can go deeper. This is another slippery thing, difficult to get a hold of regularly, I have to be in a certain state of fatigue, calmness, otherwise, when I wake up I am immediately completely awake, there will be no napping during the day, and it is hard to get to bed, and there will be no use trying to let myself fall asleep during the day or deeply relax. Hmm..

Something slightly different happened recently. It has happened before, only once. A kind of vortex in the third eye area appears, it is visible. By going into that tunnel, I pop out in the astral, with a popping feeling, but again, without my body, there is no body there, my body remains where it is but part of my consciousness goes somewhere else. The first time this happened I saw my roommate at the time, and thousands or even infinite bags of sugar, and the feeling he was doing something nefarious. A month later he was kicked out of the house finally for pouring an entire pound of sugar directly down the drain. Very strange behavior. There is no hiss like Monroe describes with this but I suppose that's what this is.

This time I popped out in an extremely clear, bright blue sky, looking at a house on top of a hill, but I startled, and the experience ended. If these are predictive experiences maybe that means soon I can leave behind all the suffering and feeling confused about what my problem even is and begin to live a much better life.

[Философ]

Have you tried to work with the "Opening the Heart", perform exercises and achieve results?
The result of the Open Heart should be not only in some new sensations, but also in the new perception of the world, in new actions, in a new vision of one's life...

Astral projections are not an end in themselves, although many people think that this is the most important thing.
The main thing is to build your own life, create a family, build a career, a house, a garden, the birth of children - and after all this, at the appropriate age - the realization of the Spiritual World.
No comprehension is possible without personal experience in lower bodies and in appropriate age periods.

Try to realize it and not to waste precious time of life.

[Elhaz]

Have you tried to work with the "Opening the Heart", perform exercises and achieve results?
The result of the Open Heart should be not only in some new sensations, but also in the new perception of the world, in new actions, in a new vision of one's life ...

With the provided audio, I have tried a couple times, another time tonight, and haven't been able to find myself in a condition lately where I can do a long meditation. Have tried maybe 5 times. Each time I get to 15 minutes and I realize I am simply not getting there or truly involved in the meditation. I'm sure I could make all 45 minutes with a grim, clenched determination, but there is no point to that..

The difficulty I find with relaxation exercises (like something simply will not loosen up, like I'm not getting deeper) is one of the main things I am seeking healers about, yet refuse to actually say, since it makes me feel like I must be just lazy, but even in going to massage school which should be helpful for bodily awareness so I can properly relax, it doesn't improve, I haven't been able to find any direction of consistent effort that improves it either. Sometimes it's better sometimes it isn't..

Maybe there is some type of trauma or tension from something in the past I haven't been able to access. Or maybe I really am just doing something wrong, but it feels more like my activities are diverted around some kind of block. Anything that only demands Alpha brainwaves is doable and I've made good progress on.

I messaged Oracle about this, I think it's a good direction to get help with healing, maybe instead of working around an obstacle seeing the obstacle as what needs work will right some things.

I think this is relevant, On Osho's "Why Active Meditation" page.

“Whenever you are in chaos, the brain stops. You are driving a car and suddenly someone comes in front of you. You push the brake so suddenly that it is not a work of the brain. It cannot be because the brain takes time: it thinks: what to do, what not to do. So whenever there is a possibility of an accident and you push the brake, you will feel the sensation near your navel, never near your brain. You will feel that your stomach is upset, because your total consciousness is being pushed because of the chaotic accident. If it could be calculated before and predicted then there would be no need, then there would be no need. Mind would do, brain would do. Whenever you are in an accident, unknown, something unknown comes to you, you will see that consciousness comes to the navel....

“If you ask a Zen monk, 'From where do you think?' he will put his hands to his stomach. When Westerners came in contact with Japanese monks for the first time, they could not understand: 'What nonsense! How can you think from the stomach? No one thinks from the stomach.' But the Zen reply is meaningful. Consciousness can use any center of the body, and the most primary and the most near to the original source is the navel, and the most far off is the brain. So if life energy goes outward, then ultimately the center of consciousness will become the brain. If life energy goes inward, then ultimately the navel will become the center.

“Otherwise you will only verbalize and go on verbalizing, and there will be no transformation and no change. Even if you know the right things you will not be transformed, because it is not enough to know right things. One has to go to the roots, and one has to change and transform the roots. Otherwise you will not change....

“And sometimes a person is in even more difficulty when he knows the right things and cannot do anything. A new impatience, a new tension arises – he becomes doubly tense. He understands and he cannot do. Understanding can only be meaningful when you understand from the navel. Otherwise it is never meaningful. If you understand from the brain, then it is not transforming.

I think I'm getting some heart opening results anyway, having had my attention on it for several months.. The Oracle sent me the Tree of Life meditation, this is easier for me since it's shorter and active, it is helping.

Astral projections are not an end in themselves, although many people think that this is the most important thing.
The main thing is to build your own life, create a family, build a career, a house, a garden, the birth of children - and after all this, at the appropriate age - the realization of the Spiritual World.
No comprehension is possible without personal experience in lower bodies and in appropriate age periods.

Try to realize it and not to waste precious time of life.

I agree. Spiritual topics and energy have presented themselves already due to my nature, but it was very clear when you noted I am still at the astral stage. I thought, yes- with so much real world growth and maturity to gain it couldn't be any other way and it can't be forced. I am not just saying that, I feel it. So right now the search is for what really needs healing in me, and refining my seeking and not getting attached to so many things along the way, and thank you for helping me clarify this..

It has been difficult to think of healing as directly solving all lifes problems, since the physical is so dense, if I want to go to school, there's many things I have to do to even get a loan once I find an appropriate program, which is difficult enough in itself when not convinced of the efficacy of social medicine yet seeking something that will provide money to live. Over the last couple years I have been thinking more along the lines of reducing what causes me discomfort and confusion, restoring health, figuring out who I really am and my true nature, and figured all of that will fall into line over time.

A good chance to try work with the Reiki channel.. My dad went to some sparring gym, and dislocated or broke his little toe such that it was pointing outward at a 90 degree angle. So I re-taped it and gave him Reiki but did it differently than I was taught originally. I tried to tune in to injury in his foot, moved the assemblage point up, tuned into Cho Ku Rei and Sei Hei Ki and then held my hands there.. He said he felt energy all the way up to the center of his chest and that I had extremely hot hands, and later on in the day said the pain level was only maybe a 3 or 4 and there was no bruising or swelling like might be expected, and a couple days later it seems almost healed, much further along than it should be.

[Философ]

Monroe's training programs are designed to enable a person to achieve concrete results in a long and hard work.
Like any other practice - Monroe's techniques are part of his Agreement, his Other Worldview.

In order to be included in this Agreement, it is necessary to get acquainted with the books of Monroe and with the work of the Monroe Institute - to tune in to this Agreement, to this Worldview.

It is possible that you do not need all this and you are completely satisfied with your Healing.

Just do not confuse the ability to psychic, healing, or anything else, for example, to the collection of butterflies - with the Spiritual Development of personality.
Spiritual Development involves the consistent development of all The Bodies - from the lowest - of the Physical Body.

Therefore, the Developing Personality should monitor his health, lead a satisfying sex life, have an adequate partner, get an education, make a career in society, and at the same time, engage in self-development ...

Then, by the age of 40-50, such, developed in all the lower bodies of the Personality, will be able to begin a deeper immersion in the Spiritual Worlds.

But if a person from an early age considers himself something outstanding and is not ready, or is not able to work hard and seriously on his own development of all bodies, then by 40-50 years he becomes a siner and is not capable of anything but empty chatter, self-congratulation and lamentation of bitter fate...

[Elhaz]

Ah,you added a little bit more to the post. Yeah, it would lead to something terrible to mess around and not seek to correct myself. For me it's hard to hide from what needs correcting, or at least it feels that way, yet something big has been hiding anyway, the fact that I have been letting my emotions run me instead of my mind.

Maybe all along I could have and should have been satisfied with my healing since I'm capable of doing something real, but it helps to be in contact with people who have already succeeded and have mature personalities that may bring the shadow side forward but don't humor it in any way once it's up front.

It seems that is consistently the effect here, with you- painful, then it helps, sometimes very painful, but always, it helps actually move forward and understand better.

I appreciate that.

[Elhaz]

Two years already since I last posted. I see there are a lot of views on this, I wonder if the number is truly so high. Much has changed. I had been really struggling with my health, so much so that I wasn't able to do Osho's dynamic meditation for chakras. Intuitively I knew I shouldn't be trying to astral project yet either. So at this point I moved on from here and I tried to figure it out myself. I suppose that this is natural for a person with an elfic monad- my path and intuition may tend to differ a lot since my assemblage point has been loosened for a long time.

Events lined up in life and I got a hair tissue mineral analysis test and I found out the reason for the health struggle.. Due to some personality tendencies, life situations I have experienced, bad luck, substance use, and mistakes with diet and nutritional supplements, I was truly in a very bad state, bordering on the development of all manner of diseases. About as bad as this sort of test can display. Definitely bad enough to warrant feeling like standing is a lot of exertion.

I was still too scattered mentally and spiritually to do much about this until I went through several rituals, a meeting with death and a dedication through death. Then I became much more focused on what is important for me to do. I quit nicotine and other things I was taking to keep going. Since then, 03/21, I have been spending most of my time every day restoring my health, with a targeted supplement program, coffee enemas, red lamp sauna therapy, eating 9 cups of cooked vegetables a day, complete celibacy (semen retention), and at least an hour of pulling energy downward through my body, which is an exercise intended to nourish all of the chakras. The program is something which garners high quality results if lots of hard work is applied. So it's good I found something like this which is appropriate and have been able to do it.

The health of all chakras has at least improved according to the project agreement as I remember it- along Swadisthan healthier relationships have appeared although non sexual, along Manipura, I have graduated holistic school and am beginning to plan a business, etc, perhaps these friendships and improved family relationships qualify as an improved body of Anahata.. I think my mind could be clearer, a bit lacking maybe there.. in general the improvements in centering, overall energy are huge. I feel much better.

But my health overall will likely still take several years more to fully restore and maybe about a year more to be more normal. I have a bit of money and can stay home and attend to that. I will go in for surgery soon for my left hand unless I find another solution..

Other than this, my questions about life are definitely beginning to become more philosophical. The environment where I live is very harsh and low vibrational (Southern California), Resonates at maybe low Manipura.. I am very different now, too- less bright eyed and bushy tailed, I am much clearer in myself. Many others seem misguided or asleep. I am able to form fairly satisfying relationships with women (as friends for right now) on the basis of qualities like communication, healthy personality, interests however which is a good sign I am not becoming too different too fast.. I am beginning to see how increased wisdom and development brings sorrow though.

The question is beginning to arise, all these things, business, perhaps a relationship- why must I do all of that and how must it be, what qualities will I thrive around- as a matter of finding important intrinsic motivation. As one example I have learned through restraining my sexual impulse that this energy can likely do some amazing things with the right partner and used the right way, so the way relationships are 'normally' done needs to itself be reconsidered.

I will also share that I was in a relationship for a little while last year, she was a traditional Yoruba shaman, but her worldview was very strong and in conflict with mine and it damaged me. The energetic interaction between us was powerful and interesting but overall not positive in the end. I am definitely seeing, in this way and in many others how energy is lost if the assemblage point is pushed off its place. I feel a sense of struggle not having my own clear and strong worldview.

For example, I don't find my nutritional program, which is actually called a Development program-it is a diet, lifestyle, and procedures for spiritual development- to be somehow enough for me. I am definitely interested in more intensive and specific magical activities. So I spent some time studying with a South Indian Tamil group, but found them to be in conflict with me in subtle ways, too. But I felt more engaged, less bored, too, when working with them. It may be that my development program is more of a solid foundational thing. Or maybe the boredom is the problem..

Perhaps that is why I feel the urge to drop in here, now. I am still not sure if there will be conflict so I will be trying to guard my world view or at least be mindful of this impact. I am not sure that I even need anything. I am acting on a sort of spiritual nudge, an intuition. I am not sure what else to say so please forgive my shabby presentation and lack of clear intention in coming here, if you can- I will just post.

Elhaz

[Elhaz]

In continuation for the post above

Monroe's training programs are designed to enable a person to achieve concrete results in a long and hard work.
Like any other practice - Monroe's techniques are part of his Agreement, his Other Worldview.

In order to be included in this Agreement, it is necessary to get acquainted with the books of Monroe and with the work of the Monroe Institute - to tune in to this Agreement, to this Worldview.

It is possible that you do not need all this and you are completely satisfied with your Healing.

Just do not confuse the ability to psychic, healing, or anything else, for example, to the collection of butterflies - with the Spiritual Development of personality.
Spiritual Development involves the consistent development of all The Bodies - from the lowest - of the Physical Body.

Therefore, the Developing Personality should monitor his health, lead a satisfying sex life, have an adequate partner, get an education, make a career in society, and at the same time, engage in self-development ...

Then, by the age of 40-50, such, developed in all the lower bodies of the Personality, will be able to begin a deeper immersion in the Spiritual Worlds.

But if a person from an early age considers himself something outstanding and is not ready, or is not able to work hard and seriously on his own development of all bodies, then by 40-50 years he becomes a siner and is not capable of anything but empty chatter, self-congratulation and lamentation of bitter fate...

Looks like this is very relevant and I sort of managed to luckily catch a footing with the rituals and begin to work on this development of the lower bodies - not be so enamored with psychic activity and seeing energy. I had been feeling quite disappointed that the fun has reduced of seeing and manipulating chakras- perhaps this is exactly what is appropriate for me for now, since the lowest body itself is in such bad condition that it needs much work. I was very excited by such things before and people liked it my excitement and thus it was a potential social advantage too. But perhaps that wasn't very sustainable.

[Elhaz]

Reading around and re-familiarizing myself on the forums here. I hope everyone is well by the way, with what's going on in the world..


Looking at how the project agreement works and particularly the reiki agreement. This might be something I can read and learn about and gain use from. Since I am mainly working on the physical level now, although the nutritional program is something special, causing the slow removal of blocks, traumas, distortions in and of itself on higher levels they do endorse the use of reiki if done correctly.. and if I can regain a state of health more quickly all the better for development of the next bodies. It looks like perhaps my current beliefs may be limiting the speed of my healing somewhat. I ran into many occasions of being able to do miraculous and fast healing for others and virtually nothing in terms of what I actually need for myself so maybe that's why.

I am questioning if I ever really had use of reiki or not, based on the reports of the group. I am thinking I did but without a great fixation of the assemblage point and now with less use it's even less. There was a better fixation on Reiki Yggdrasil.

Overall still struggling to explain why I am coming back here exactly other than what is more clear to me- to look back at where I was and how far I have managed to come and evaluate how well I have done, feeling and comparing myself with the energies that are here and our previous exchanges. I will continue to read.